dominant people v. Dominants

Directly after reading the assignment post my man asked a good question.  I often wish I were tape recording conversation so I could transcribe it here.  In hopes, I guess, to spark further thought and discussion in the arena.  So! Moving on...

He asked, "what's the difference between a dominant person and a Dominant?"
My response was couched in personal experience which I related as a means of answering him and probing further into my own thought.



I think the difference is in conscious thought and effort put forth.  For instance, my first serious boyfriend behaved as though he were entitled to the dominant position in many ways, but discussion of such things was never held.  During sex he'd do things he felt propelled to do and I would react.  He might spank me, gag me, or talk down to me and my reactions to those actions would set the precedent.  Either I liked it or I didn't.  If I liked he was encouraged to do it again.  There was never discussion of these things once we were off the bed.

BDSM is like that first experience in some ways, but mostly it contains much more conscious and thoughtful decision making skills.  If a top is pushing a bottom, the bottom either completely trusts the top to have safety/comfort in mind and acquiesces faithfully, or the bottom watches from within the pleasure zone - to a degree - and calls out the chosen safety word if necessary.

So there are those who push without first asking if it is OK to do so; they are dominant people.  Dominants, to my mind, have made efforts to thoughtfully understand their needs and desires, and have found submissives who fit with those things.

"Is it possible for someone to be both?" He now asks.
I respond after thinking.  "Yes, it is.  Like-- you walk that line.  You do things without asking, but-- you have permission to do so."  

This is an important distinction in 24/7 slavery.

"Yeah" he says. "And-- I see the Goddess in you."
"You respect me," I translate back.
"Yes, I respect you, as a sentient being.  I  may not respect your body," he starts grabbing and pinching at me playfully, "I may pinch your clit and grab your throat" he does so, making me squirm and squeal and laugh, "but I respect you."  And he kisses me.