Hello again! I'm back for the third installment of "Why I Am a Mastered Slave." We're on point number two in the top 5: 2. I have some areas where stronger discipline is needed.
Now, I'm a pretty tough woman.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
I wound up receiving an unexpected, but important gift today.
This morning found me nursing a tiny hangover and craving a diner kind of breakfast. Being ever cunning, I declared this weekend my birthday weekend, so I could have even more of an excuse to indulge in greasy hash browns, sugary ketchup, and 3 egg omelets, for instance. My birthday is Monday, so it's not an entirely out of whack proposal. Last night we went into the big city to see a fantastic jazz/funk band and thus, my "party" mode was primed. We made the strong choice though and stuck with our well-being instead pecan waffles. This being my birthday weekend and a Saturday, we decided not to do anything of great responsibility, but instead drive to the nearest mall so I could buy myself a moleskin weekly planner. I wound up receiving an unexpected, but important gift today.
Friday, January 22, 2010
From the Desk Of...
For all you readers missing the sex, I am back with a story from this morning. We both have the privilege of being home today. I have spent the majority of the morning writing on various topics, and tidying in between. My man found himself inadvertently tied to his desk as well, urged to write our mission statement at last. We'd been up for about three hours when he received a call requesting him to step out briefly. He said he'd be right there, as I typed away at my keyboard.
My man set his phone down carrying a furtive desire in his belly. He came into my office, which is also our bedroom, shirtless, unbuttoning his jeans and wearing his house slippers, which are really iron toe "chucka" boots from his navy term. With no words he stepped up to my right arm and presented me with his flaccid cock. With no words or thought I opened my mouth to take him in.
My man set his phone down carrying a furtive desire in his belly. He came into my office, which is also our bedroom, shirtless, unbuttoning his jeans and wearing his house slippers, which are really iron toe "chucka" boots from his navy term. With no words he stepped up to my right arm and presented me with his flaccid cock. With no words or thought I opened my mouth to take him in.
Reason No. 1
I promised, in Top 5 Reasons Why, that I would talk about why I am a mastered slave. Beginning with no. 1 of Why I Am a Mastered Slave: 1. It is my karma to reunite the male and female energy
Holy jeez, could I have been a little less specific?
Monday, January 18, 2010
We might have been brown nosers. A bit of a teachers pets or wall flowers. We strive for recognition in different ways. I do my bidding sweetly and with streams of unconscious self praise.
I promised, in Top 5 Reasons Why, that I would talk about why I am a mastered slave and I know I mentioned it again in my last post, but most just rambled in metaphors and imagery so I am here to do that now. Beginning with no. 1 of Why I Am a Mastered Slave:
1. It is my karma to reunite the male and female energy
Holy jeez, could I be a little less specific? A few definitions of belief are required now. Disclaimer: the following "definitions" are from my perspective.
karma: a theme, or behavior pattern, which persists in a person's life and may serve as s life lesson.
female energy: the qualities of receptiveness, birthing, nurturing. sometimes discussed as passive yin, sensitive. related to life and death generally. major archetypes are mother, little girl, temptress, whore, witch, goddess, crone, naivete
male energy: the qualities of penetration, giving, aggression. sometimes discussed as active yang, strong. major archetypes are related to action and journey generally and, in humans, as protector, provider, husband, father, brother,
According to my second college edition 1984 Webster's New World Dictionary my thinking is in line with Buddhism and Hinduism.
I asked my master, after learning this lesson, if all the animals who give birth are women. He was practically answering it before I asked, and told me one of my favorite facts, which I already partially knew. Seahorses are the only exception. Except they have an exception too, which is that they don't actually make the egg, their lady friends do. After the egg is made, the papa seahorse goes over to the mama seahorse and is like, "Hey, why don't you let me take that egg off your tail and go buy yourself something sweet?"
(Any readers who are generally uninterested in spiritual topics? How do these ideas sit with you?)
I promised, in Top 5 Reasons Why, that I would talk about why I am a mastered slave and I know I mentioned it again in my last post, but most just rambled in metaphors and imagery so I am here to do that now. Beginning with no. 1 of Why I Am a Mastered Slave:
1. It is my karma to reunite the male and female energy
Holy jeez, could I be a little less specific? A few definitions of belief are required now. Disclaimer: the following "definitions" are from my perspective.
karma: a theme, or behavior pattern, which persists in a person's life and may serve as s life lesson.
female energy: the qualities of receptiveness, birthing, nurturing. sometimes discussed as passive yin, sensitive. related to life and death generally. major archetypes are mother, little girl, temptress, whore, witch, goddess, crone, naivete
male energy: the qualities of penetration, giving, aggression. sometimes discussed as active yang, strong. major archetypes are related to action and journey generally and, in humans, as protector, provider, husband, father, brother,
According to my second college edition 1984 Webster's New World Dictionary my thinking is in line with Buddhism and Hinduism.
karm-ma (kär'mð, kur'-) n. [Sans., a deed, act, fate] 1. Buddhism & Hinduism the totality of a person's actions in any one of the successive states of his existence, thought of as determining his fate in the nextBiology time! There are three terms for creatures that birth living young, viviparous, oviparous, ovoviviparous. Viviparous creatures give birth to walking, squawking, living young. Think vi- as in vibrant, bright, living. Oviparous creatures lay eggs with living creatures in them. Think ov- as in ovum, oval, egg. That one's not too crazy, but get this: ovoviviparous creatures, aside from being fun to name, lay their egg babies inside themselves, then hatch them internally. It seems then, that that super fun prefix, ovovivi- means living and eggs combined.
I asked my master, after learning this lesson, if all the animals who give birth are women. He was practically answering it before I asked, and told me one of my favorite facts, which I already partially knew. Seahorses are the only exception. Except they have an exception too, which is that they don't actually make the egg, their lady friends do. After the egg is made, the papa seahorse goes over to the mama seahorse and is like, "Hey, why don't you let me take that egg off your tail and go buy yourself something sweet?"
(Any readers who are generally uninterested in spiritual topics? How do these ideas sit with you?)
The Point Is
Something that a lot of non-BDSM, or non-collared, people don't understand is that we slaves choose slavery because it makes us happy to do so. We are not a bunch of broken and lost-cause people who can't think for themselves. It is commonly understood, in the BDSM world, that a bottom with no opinion is an energy sucking bore for a capable and thinking top. A strong top needs a strong bottom just as a sadistic top needs a masochistic bottom. The point of BDSM is to live on the edge, to live life in the extreme. The point, to reiterate, is to live large.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Top 5 Reasons Why (plus 4 others)
[Y]ou need to learn to be honest with yourself. Figure out what you will and will not do, and what is a "maybe". Search inside yourself for what you really want, and when you find it, be honest to anyone you talk to. Don't agree to something long-term that you know you will not be able accomplish. Ask yourself some hard questions. The rest of this article will give you aspects to contemplate so you can base your decisions on reality, and not someone else's dreams of how it should be. - from "So You Want to Be a Slave: The Realities"I read paragraphs similar to above beginning in the late spring of 2007. It was all about sex to me then. My thinking was bound by three columns of sex acts labeled yes, no, and maybe. (Or, in the BDSM world, please, peanut butter, and maybe.) I made arbitrary decisions about piss, spit, and humiliation. Arbitrary, because I was a topless bottom. A master-less slave. As the first man who wanted to master me put it, I was wanton.
My master, aka my man, gave me the article quoted above last week and asked for my thoughts on it. I was so excited by my reactions, our discussions, and my constant excitement to write that this blog was more seriously formed. I have 3 major steps of reaction to the ideas in this article and I'm going to write about them now. I'll wait here while you take a few minutes to process that article.
The first thing I trip over in that article is the neo-cultural imposition in the grammar. I am opposed to the following grammar: "my Master said He wanted me to come in." I am not going to take time out of my creative process to remember to capitalize male pronouns in the middle of a sentence for my man's honor. He doesn't care if I do or don't and so, I reject the importance that has been placed on this tradition. I understand it, I just don't care for it and boy, does it feel good to say so!
I will use the common BDSM abbreviation "D/s" (Dominant/submissive) because it is understood by sexual "deviants" everywhere. Greetings fellow deviants!
These varied reactions this article spurred create a tension which I find interesting, and if you make it to the end of this entry, then I guess you find it interesting too. If you have reactions yourself, please do share them. I'd love to hear ALL viewpoints.
Reactions/Counter-reactions to "So You Want to be a Slave"
1A. I don't want my opinions, desires, and tastes, to always be moot!!1B. A situation in which my opinions, desires, and tastes were unaccounted for would make me unhappy. My man doesn't want me to be unhappy.
2A. I don't want my entire existence to be predicated on making him happy!! I feel that existing solely to entertain and please another may imply that my own pleasure is worth less. I am not worth less!
2B. My man wants me to be happy and to achieve my dreams. If he tells me to do, or not do, something, it is because he is thinking of my higher aims. He loves me and is helping me reach my goals.
As I mentioned before, I used to think that D/s relationships were ALL about sex when I began my exploration of them. All I knew was that my panties, if they were still on, got real wet when someone talked dirty to me, spanked me, got rough with me, and that I wanted MORE.
Now, when my man talks about the fact that my cunt, ass, mouth and everything in between belong to him, are his, I get even wetter. It still is not "just sex." There are understandings between us that make this language and these ownership triggers happy and freeing. I'm getting very excited thinking about all this so I'm going to make another list:
Why I Am a Mastered Slave
1. It is my karma to reunite the male and female energy
2. I have some areas where stronger discipline is needed
3. I want help
4. I want to help
5. I crave kinky sex
1. It is my karma to reunite the male and female energy
2. I have some areas where stronger discipline is needed
3. I want help
4. I want to help
5. I crave kinky sex
For summary's sake I want to also recap the points above that have been presented (and in some cases not yet discussed).
2. My D/s relationship is only partially about sex.
3. My man wants me to be happy.
4. My man is helping me reach my goals.
I hope you're excited to read and comment more about these points because I'm excited to write about them! Only, I'm going to do it later. I'm tuckered for now.
Rule No. 1
There are some basic rules in my relationship that must not be broken. The brevity of the rule and the degree to which it is the degree to which I break it dictates how I am punished. Here's one rule I struggle with more than others:
"You are not to give orders. Sentences that begin with verbs are orders."
Now here's a bit about that rule. It was created for me by my master. He is even so kind that he explained exactly why the rule was made. To understand it you have to know about my mother. Let me get right to the point and say that she is more than a little bossy. She's not a control freak so much as she doesn't consciously realize that people might be able to do things appropriately of their own accord. She also has Multiple Sclerosis. I'm not going to get into the details of it, because I doubt I'll talk about my mom frequently here. However, my theory is that her bossiness was at least doubled by her fear of losing mobility and perhaps doubled once more just by virtue of her being an aging Jewish lady.
Now you know I'm Jewish on my mother's side too! See how fun this can be?
Anyway, back to the context of the "no verbs" rule, as I think of it. This rule is very tricky, since the simplest concepts of being are ruled linguistically by VERBS. But more on my struggle with it in a moment... the rule was created because my master wants me to be the best me I can be. The me I dream of being.
I have lots of dreams. I make them into goals or stories. I work hard and I'm training to work more efficiently so I can realize even more of those dreams. One of my dreams is to be ready to market myself as a healer. I want to market myself so that more people, who are looking, can find me and come get healing. I suppose one of the things I believe I need to do in order to achieve this goal more fully is get more training at listening. In order to listen to others more intentionally, I must first listen to myself. I must speak with intention and cut out the bossy sharp edge in me.
Bossiness is a behavior born of fear. People are bossy because they don't believe that they will be satisfied -- that they will receive enough. They have a fear of there not being enough for them. Fears, unexamined, become behaviors.
Let's counter that. Love, becomes behavior too. Most of us, in culture "these days", are not trained to be running on the fuel of love. We have very little love inside ourselves that we didn't have to consciously grow. I mean, of our own accord. Intentionally. Fear, however, we are fed practically as soon as we are sucking our new mama's teat. I don't mean to sound dramatic about it or anything, but think about it? Can any of you who read anything anywhere argue with me?
I wish you would.
It makes sense that a slave would have rules. It's the basic premise of slavery that decision making is out of the slave's hands. Why would I choose such a life? Well that, my friend is a very good question.
"You are not to give orders. Sentences that begin with verbs are orders."
Now here's a bit about that rule. It was created for me by my master. He is even so kind that he explained exactly why the rule was made. To understand it you have to know about my mother. Let me get right to the point and say that she is more than a little bossy. She's not a control freak so much as she doesn't consciously realize that people might be able to do things appropriately of their own accord. She also has Multiple Sclerosis. I'm not going to get into the details of it, because I doubt I'll talk about my mom frequently here. However, my theory is that her bossiness was at least doubled by her fear of losing mobility and perhaps doubled once more just by virtue of her being an aging Jewish lady.
Now you know I'm Jewish on my mother's side too! See how fun this can be?
Anyway, back to the context of the "no verbs" rule, as I think of it. This rule is very tricky, since the simplest concepts of being are ruled linguistically by VERBS. But more on my struggle with it in a moment... the rule was created because my master wants me to be the best me I can be. The me I dream of being.
I have lots of dreams. I make them into goals or stories. I work hard and I'm training to work more efficiently so I can realize even more of those dreams. One of my dreams is to be ready to market myself as a healer. I want to market myself so that more people, who are looking, can find me and come get healing. I suppose one of the things I believe I need to do in order to achieve this goal more fully is get more training at listening. In order to listen to others more intentionally, I must first listen to myself. I must speak with intention and cut out the bossy sharp edge in me.
Here comes some of my soon-to-be-famous wisdom
Bossiness is a behavior born of fear. People are bossy because they don't believe that they will be satisfied -- that they will receive enough. They have a fear of there not being enough for them. Fears, unexamined, become behaviors.
Let's counter that. Love, becomes behavior too. Most of us, in culture "these days", are not trained to be running on the fuel of love. We have very little love inside ourselves that we didn't have to consciously grow. I mean, of our own accord. Intentionally. Fear, however, we are fed practically as soon as we are sucking our new mama's teat. I don't mean to sound dramatic about it or anything, but think about it? Can any of you who read anything anywhere argue with me?
I wish you would.
It makes sense that a slave would have rules. It's the basic premise of slavery that decision making is out of the slave's hands. Why would I choose such a life? Well that, my friend is a very good question.
Introduction to Your Author
Greetings! My name is Shasta and I will be escorting you through A Rose for Your Buttonhole. Shall we get the basic information out of the way?
I love my birthday. It's soon! On February 1st I will be this many (28). That makes me an Aquarius. For any of you who care, my rising sign is Libra and my moon is in Taurus. My Venus is in Capricorn, but I don't know much about the effects of that yet -- which some Capricorns would say is par for the course (can I get an 'amen,' Capricorns?).
Sorry about the tangent, just having some fun. (But really...)
Those who often come by this infrequent blog might be wondering why I've suddenly decided to "introduce myself". I'll try to be brief, which would be unusual for me:
It all began in May, last year. Or was it in October of 2007? Really, I said "Yes" to my master in August, 2008.
It hasn't been until now, nearly half a year later, that my decision has become a clear reality for us. No more rose colored glass day dreaming for this girl; my life is in a brand-spanking-new phase.
Before, however, I get into those juicy (and interesting!) details -- more about Your Author. My decision to separate, in writing only, my sex from my life was made slowly. I've compartmentalized my writing persona. Some day I may write children's books, or teen angst novels, and I won't get very far if it's widely known that I'm a slave. As my master says, "We don't really have sexual freedom."
Another thing that will become clear about me, if my conveyance is precise enough, is that I am optimistic about people. You know how they say "hope springs eternal"? That phrase was coined on my behalf in another life. Never the less, I have learned that stereotypes are born from the shared consciousness of our culture, which can carry very real consequences. Lots of folks in the D/s world are quite protective of their identities "in real life" and I'm just going to assume that it's true when some guy says he's been fired or exiled because it was discovered that he asks his wife to step on his ballsac after dinner at night. Just an example. And moving right along.
I will write about my spirituality on this blog. My relationship is based firmly in the more veiled worlds of experience, and so is my thinking. I will, at times get intellectual on yo' asses, and write about theory. I will pose questions. I will sometimes be remarkably silly. I will be in full view. Spread eagle. I will make puns (there's already been one). I'm going to fucking geek out here, and I don't care who knows it.
Now onto a list! I'm getting tired of deep explanation right now. Purple is my favorite color since forever. I am more sensitive than a slug on a freeway. I like to wear aprons. I have grown up voices and little girl voices. When the doggies I live with don't listen, I growl at them through gritted teeth.
I'm going to remember to be really honest about my behaviors, and give context and consequences. As I mentioned, I did not become a slave overnight. In fact, I have only just begun devoting myself to it full time. I will talk about experiences I had with men who were not my master. I will use false names and locations, but the time-line and events will be real. I will not lie about myself, but I will also not divulge information that could be useful in court. Here are some truths I wrote down earlier today that I'd like to share upfront. I smoke pot recreationally. I sometimes struggle with anxiety. I wonder how those two are linked. I'm not a health nut per se, but I am on a quest to be as healthy as I possibly can. I'm about to learn all the reasons why I reject the phrase "New Age" and write an essay on it. If that essay sounds interesting to you, let me know and I'll share it once it's written.
Ok, lists! I like them and could keep going on with details about me, but I'll give you just one more for now: I have a heart tattooed on the inside of my right forearm. I got it for, from, and with, my master on our second date.
I love my birthday. It's soon! On February 1st I will be this many (28). That makes me an Aquarius. For any of you who care, my rising sign is Libra and my moon is in Taurus. My Venus is in Capricorn, but I don't know much about the effects of that yet -- which some Capricorns would say is par for the course (can I get an 'amen,' Capricorns?).
Sorry about the tangent, just having some fun. (But really...)
Those who often come by this infrequent blog might be wondering why I've suddenly decided to "introduce myself". I'll try to be brief, which would be unusual for me:
I have recently, and seriously, decided to commit to consensual slavery.
It all began in May, last year. Or was it in October of 2007? Really, I said "Yes" to my master in August, 2008.
It hasn't been until now, nearly half a year later, that my decision has become a clear reality for us. No more rose colored glass day dreaming for this girl; my life is in a brand-spanking-new phase.
Before, however, I get into those juicy (and interesting!) details -- more about Your Author. My decision to separate, in writing only, my sex from my life was made slowly. I've compartmentalized my writing persona. Some day I may write children's books, or teen angst novels, and I won't get very far if it's widely known that I'm a slave. As my master says, "We don't really have sexual freedom."
Another thing that will become clear about me, if my conveyance is precise enough, is that I am optimistic about people. You know how they say "hope springs eternal"? That phrase was coined on my behalf in another life. Never the less, I have learned that stereotypes are born from the shared consciousness of our culture, which can carry very real consequences. Lots of folks in the D/s world are quite protective of their identities "in real life" and I'm just going to assume that it's true when some guy says he's been fired or exiled because it was discovered that he asks his wife to step on his ballsac after dinner at night. Just an example. And moving right along.
I will write about my spirituality on this blog. My relationship is based firmly in the more veiled worlds of experience, and so is my thinking. I will, at times get intellectual on yo' asses, and write about theory. I will pose questions. I will sometimes be remarkably silly. I will be in full view. Spread eagle. I will make puns (there's already been one). I'm going to fucking geek out here, and I don't care who knows it.
Now onto a list! I'm getting tired of deep explanation right now. Purple is my favorite color since forever. I am more sensitive than a slug on a freeway. I like to wear aprons. I have grown up voices and little girl voices. When the doggies I live with don't listen, I growl at them through gritted teeth.
I'm going to remember to be really honest about my behaviors, and give context and consequences. As I mentioned, I did not become a slave overnight. In fact, I have only just begun devoting myself to it full time. I will talk about experiences I had with men who were not my master. I will use false names and locations, but the time-line and events will be real. I will not lie about myself, but I will also not divulge information that could be useful in court. Here are some truths I wrote down earlier today that I'd like to share upfront. I smoke pot recreationally. I sometimes struggle with anxiety. I wonder how those two are linked. I'm not a health nut per se, but I am on a quest to be as healthy as I possibly can. I'm about to learn all the reasons why I reject the phrase "New Age" and write an essay on it. If that essay sounds interesting to you, let me know and I'll share it once it's written.
Ok, lists! I like them and could keep going on with details about me, but I'll give you just one more for now: I have a heart tattooed on the inside of my right forearm. I got it for, from, and with, my master on our second date.
Tender Hard Poem, from my man
4:42 AM
This blog is going to evolve to discuss and document my evolution into a consensual slavery with my man. I'll probably start soon and I'll probably start with a post on Why I don't stick to tradition in writing from the slave perspective.
Until then, feel free to read the post that got me started thinking about it more on Internal Enslavement.
sleepy sleepy
wooo! When I wake up I think of you. What a nice place you make.
what a diamond studded destination.
mmm sleepy
lovey
dovey
softie
wondering how well you do in a situation where no noise can be made.
kids in the next room must be quiet.
shhhh while I try to make you noisy.
shhhh while I slide into my favorite attire.
This blog is going to evolve to discuss and document my evolution into a consensual slavery with my man. I'll probably start soon and I'll probably start with a post on Why I don't stick to tradition in writing from the slave perspective.
Until then, feel free to read the post that got me started thinking about it more on Internal Enslavement.
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