Being Ingrained: A Short Interview with My Man

I asked my man a few questions about our progress as a 24/7 couple.  

We've found a sliver chain necklace that works well as a daily reminder of a collar.

me: I whined a lot about the collar you bought me being uncomfortable and you didn't force me to wear it.  Has it become a training collar?  

Him: It has.  

me: I know that I've been starting a lot of sentences with verbs.  

Him: I have noticed it too.  And you've been asking questions that begin with "Can you [do this or that]?" which is basically the same thing, but yes.  Go on.  

me: I've noticed that you haven't been reacting immediately.  I've been trying to do my best, but I think I become indignant without reinforcement.  [laughter] There's a tension in me about trying to do my best and be good, and wanting to lash out or misbehave because of the indignation.  

Him: Where's your copy of the Tao Teh Ching? This book has helped me often in my life.  Here's the quote I want you to read.

The highest type of ruler is one of whose existence
the people are barely aware.
Next comes one whom they love and praise.
Next comes one whom they fear.
Next comes one whom they despise and defy.

When you are lacking in faith,
Others will be unfaithful to you.

The Sage is self-effacing and scanty of words.
When his task is accomplished and things have been
completed,
All the people say, "We ourselves have achieved it!"

me: I've been wanting to write [here] and I've been unsure how to talk about the reality.  I've been drawn to thoughts of our humanness.  You've never had a real shot with a slave who desired to submit to you and I've never really had a master. 

Him: We have made significant progress though.

me: Yes.  When I've felt indignant about not having reinforcement, I've told myself that you're aware of my behavior and that your are not reacting, to my fumbling the rules, on purpose.  I've stayed away from losing faith and all the bad things that come with that.  

Him: I like my style of leadership.  I think I'm a good leader.  It takes time to build real loyalty, which is what I inspire in people.  People who have served under me [in the Navy] have always appreciated my leadership style.  When someone says they'll follow me into battle that means a lot to me.  It means they're willing to die for me.  I think you should consider that quote and think about the recent changes in your life.  I don't think you would have made a lot of those changes if it weren't for me.  I think you've made significant improvements with me.  Maybe you just weren't ready for my style.