Reason No. 2

Hello again! I'm back for the third installment of "Why I Am a Mastered Slave."  We're on point number two in the top 5: 2. I have some areas where stronger discipline is needed.

Now, I'm a pretty tough woman.


I have a wide streak of independence and a strong ego driven need for achievement.  I can take care of business well on my own, and I have evidence to prove it. I feel good about myself more often than not, but I have my weak areas too.  For instance, on most days, even the good ones, I should not be left alone in a room with doughnuts, cakes, cookies or any delectable containing the following ingredients: sugar, milk, eggs, and butter.  Also, it is not best to take a firm line on my punctuality.  Unless the occasion is an interview, social event with a finite start time like a wedding, or a bakery opening, I can be counted on to arrive fashionably late.  Finally, and with most difficulty, I do not enjoy aerobic activities that entail repetition.  I am working on changing my mind about this one, because the last forty (or even the first ten!) pounds are not coming off without a big sweat.  As much as I would like to be able to take a cardio-hike daily, the time isn't always there.  I want those pounds off and I may have to jog and do push-ups to get them gone.  That weight represent a lot of years of self-hate and denial.  Also, I dream of pin-up photography and being a selective whore, and working my curves to their fullest extent will take me a long way in those endeavors.

Before I moved in with  my man, I imagined what it would be like to have him as my 24/7 owner.  One image that repeats itself with surprising frequency, still, is the one of boot camp leader.   I imagine my man yelling at me, getting in my face about my work ethic, pushing me, challenging me, ignoring my pleas and threats and protestations.  I know I will fight.  It is my nature to do so; just like the fat I've carried for too many years will fight to stay inert on my physique.

I have seen what people with self discipline can do, and have been impressed.  I'm impressed because I cannot seem to do the same.  Yes, I can make something out of nothing, but I cannot force myself to do 15 push-ups or to jog for two miles.  I can come up with dozens, maybe hundreds, of clever and pathetic excuses why my laziness should be allowed to win out.  "I'm not cut out for it," I will try to convince you.  "It's too hard on my body," I'll whine.  "I need to start out slower," I'll urge.  I'm sick of hearing myself say these things and am honestly pushing myself for a more unbreakable internal "boot camp" voice, but the help...is really...well, helpful.




My man has been pushing me to get a few "Admin" tasks done for him lately, specifically he wants me to help him finish the basic outline of our contract.  We have had a rough draft of the contract since August with the basic rules being Acceptance and Love.  In our contract they are written out into full sentences, with examples, and room for addenda, and so on, but those are our guiding principles.  Anyway, in our haste to move in together and have everything be instantly perfect, we have stumbled into the harder reality of life.  Specifically, things take time.  We are looking to add more concrete information to the contract now.  He wants to know what force he can use with my consent.  I have been hesitating on a few things.  I go back and forth between thinking I am being lazy and should really get that done and thinking that I will do it as soon as the time feels right for me to write such important information down.  I don't know if I'm feeling intimidated, lazy, inattentive, or busy, but no matter what the reason, I haven't gotten it done yet.  It's ok though, because things are still moving along naturally.  Today, I received my first proper collar from my owner.

He has said for a few years that he would put a collar on a woman before he put a ring on another one (he is twice divorced).  For such a big sounding thing, he did it in his customary matter-of-fact and tender way.  There was no discernible ceremony, no major preparations, or hints of what was to come.  I knew he would collar me some day and that there would be many fashionable collars following the first, which I could choose from for various outings.


The collar is a reminder to us both that I am his.  There are not special rules, at least for this first collar, that I am to obey while wearing it.  One of the things that I love about my man, and one of the things that makes us a 24/7 D/s couple I believe, is that there is no "in scene" or "out of scene" beyond what feels natural.  Sometimes we inhabit specific personality traits more strongly because of the activity we are engaged in, but our proclivities are our proclivities, whether cuffed, collared, or not.  

1st image from: Coach Tate, 2nd image credited to my man