Reason No. 1

I promised, in Top 5 Reasons Why, that I would talk about why I am a mastered slave.  Beginning with no. 1 of Why I Am a Mastered Slave: 1. It is my karma to reunite the male and female energy

Holy jeez, could I have been a little less specific?




Disclaimer no. 1:  I do not believe in some kind of tit-for-tat karmic rewards system.  My understanding of karma is more in line with Buddhist and Hindu thought wherein karma is a theme, or behavior pattern, which persists in a person's life and may serve as a life lesson.

As for the energy hoo-rah, I have a bit of a hand-to-forehead smack going on with regard to my first point in this new direction for my blog.  I'm looking at this point and wondering how in the good green earth I'm going to explain whatever I meant when I wrote that.  I think I might have been high.  But, excuses aside here's a couple more definitions to try and get us on our way.



female energy: the qualities of receptiveness, birthing, nurturing, sensitivity.  sometimes discussed as passive yin.  related to the life and death cycle. 
male energy: the qualities of penetration, giving, aggression, strength.  sometimes discussed as active yang. 

I believe that all humans, and maybe all living things, have these energies in them, making them complete and complex.  All women have male energies in them and vice versa.  The reason I'm stumbling along to explain my very first freaking point is that I'm not entirely sure I can explain what I meant, nor am I well versed enough to quote the texts that have influenced my thinking.  Books like the Tao Teh Ching, Women Who Run with the Wolves, The Prophet, The Complete Works of Rumi, and even medicinal texts like Healing with Whole Foods include reference to the varied natural energies in people.

Look, I'll admit it, I'm pretty young and must leave room for change and growth.  This first point may become more articulated as I write more, or I may come to think that I was blowing a bunch of hot air.  However, as of right now, without any further ado, here's what I mean by reuniting male and female energy.  It has to do with several, completely personal, experiences that have shaped me.  

I didn't know men, as "real people," for a long time.  The reasons are as faceted as any one human's story of development.  I am an only child.  I have a large extended family of women that were on hand caring for me in my childhood.  Maternally, there are no men biologically given to my family for generations going all the way back to the old country.  My man found this out and made an exclamation akin to "Holy shit! A coven of witches!!"

I could go on about the reasons why my life was imbalanced, but the point is, I did not have enough maleness in my life to teach me about important male attributes.  What I "knew" I had gleaned from TV, storybooks, movies, radio songs...all the wrong places actually; where the biggest messages are that men are for sex, anger, rescue, work, and war.  I feared men until I was in college, for no other reason than I didn't have many examples of them in their real habitat or prime.  All the men I knew were husbands and fathers, and were treated as such.  They were woefully lacking their due respect in the voices of the women vocally raising me.  

By the way, when I said "real habitat" up there, I meant in their honest thinking ability; in an environment supportive enough of them to voice their internal thoughts fully. 

It was becoming apparent to me that my beliefs were lopsided and personally undeveloped as I began my climb out of college and into the metropolitan working world.  I was 24 and still had not had any successful long term relationships.  My first real girlfriend had dumped me before the summer and I'd decided to lose my sorrows in promiscuity.  The inkling that I wanted something more stable and long-term was beginning to sway in the back burner of my mind.  As I dated, I weighed the possibilities with my partners.  I liked some very much and love some still.  I could not seem to make anything stick though.  I felt myself to be a good catch, but something always tripped us up, some sticking point would occur and before I knew it I was being called selfish, insensitive, or fickle again.  

Many great people attracted me and vice versa.  I found lovers and friends with whom we could tickle our mutual kinky buttons and have good conversation.  One man in particular, who will be mentioned here with some frequency, is the first would-be master.  He and I walked a rocky two year road before I chose to cut all ties for the sake of my mental health.  I tried my damnedest to love him fully, but it was impossible, we weren't ready for each other and weren't honest with each other.  Hidden agendas, desires, or regrets have got to be the fastest way to derail a relationship.  And, if your relationship is one predicated on power exchange and sometimes dangerous play, full, total and complete disclosure is a requirement, or failure will happen.

It was as this relationship was finding its way toward a tragic end that I went to a mind, body, spirit expo in a nearby town.  There I learned of my karmic assignment to realign myself with the male energies of the world.  I had my records read, which is not exactly like having your past lives read.  The woman had it set up so that you asked her a question which she relayed to her spirit advisers.  As it is with most mystical practices the woman did not claim to be answering me herself, she acted as a conduit for the questions and responses.  The theory behind this practice is that there is a vast spiritual library containing stories from all the souls that have lived and that certain mystics can access these libraries and receive information.  Another theory that might be helpful is the one that we all have spirit guides with us.  Some ignore, deny, or scoff at this kind of work and on the other end of the spectrum are those are so tapped in that they spend more time communicating with their spiritual advisers than they do flesh beings. 

I asked her about my future as a healer and she conveyed that this was possible, but that first I must reconcile my beliefs with men.  She said that I carried an internal, unconscious belief that men were low-down, dirty-rotten, dogs; that I did not trust or respect them, because I didn't think that they had earned those two important values.  She said that this was an overarching belief that shaped my interactions and that no man could get around my purview.  It was black and white: if you have a dick you're not to be trusted.


Boy did my eyes open up.  I had already discovered that my "feminist" lessons had been horribly unfair and that much of the feminist movement had kind of thrown the baby out with the bathwater.  I was unfair in my thinking, but no one had been able to penetrate me enough to get me to hear it before this woman.  I don't think that's a coincidence - it would have taken a woman to get me to listen at first.
I received answers so insightful to my goals and persona and without having provided her any information beyond my first name.  I was really floored by the experience and have used the information given me as a tool to guide me in gauging my development and my honesty.  One of the stories she relayed to me was of a long history of defending, protecting, caring for, and teaching women and children.  She responded several times in indication that I must evaluate my relationship habits with men and allow myself to be more vulnerable.  She assured me that success was imminent if I could let go of my protective layer and really open up to the world more. 

That lesson is applicable to most people who let fear control their decisions.  Remember what I said about fears becoming behaviors? 

(Any readers who are generally uninterested in spiritual topics?  How do these ideas sit with you?)